I don’t know if you know this, but today is actually National Conspiracy day, no-body knows about it because the government has hushed it up!

 

Someone recently tried to convince me I was a self aware clockwork automaton, then I realized they were winding me up!

 

I’ve just got back from “World of Deja Vu”, never seen anything like it in my life!

 

Bishop takes queen’s pawn, chess move or British Scandal? You Decide!

 

Just been to an interview at burger king, they gave me a 100% pure flame grilling!

 

I’ve just been asked to hand out the world’s largest deck of cards. It’s kind of a big deal!

 

You know what they say about men with large vocabularies. Big Dictionaries!

 

I’ve just got back from “World of Deja Vu”, never seen anything like it in my life!

 

People keep telling me their sun cream is so much better than mine just because it’s “Self applying”. There’s no need to rub it in!

 

I was meant to go swimming with dolphins the other day but they were all sick. I had to make do with the replacement Bass Service!